How Tony Stark found healing from the past and became an exemplary father

There is an old joke that if your child tells you that he wants to be a superhero when he grows up, you should be concerned. This is because many superheroes are orphans whose parents died not only tragically but usually violently. The quintessential example of this is Bruce Wayne, who witnesses the murder parents Thomas and Martha by Joe Chill and goes on to fight injustice as Batman because of it. Another example is Oliver Queen a.k.a. Green Arrow. While Superman has Jonathan and Martha Kent, they are his adoptive parents. He too is an orphan, with his birth parents Jor-El and Lara killed when their planet Krypton was destroyed. And this is just D.C. comics.

There are also a number of characters from Marvel comics who are orphans. Before there was the Marvel Cinematic Universe, there were the original X-Men and Spider-Man trilogies. Peter Parker is not only an orphan, but is twice bereaved by the murder of his Uncle Ben, who raised him. Guilt over Ben’s death, which he could have prevented, leads Peter to use his powers to fight crime as Spider-Man. However comic book films really became a cultural phenomenon with the hero who is certainly the alpha and in many ways the omega of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: Tony Stark a.k.a. Iron Man.

**MCU Spoilers ahead!

Son of Howard

Tony Stark is, like so many comic book heroes, an orphan. Despite this, the figure of his father looms large, even when Tony is an adult. In the first Iron Man film after Tony has the life-changing experience of being kidnapped and almost killed by terrorists, he calls a press conference in which he states that he regrets never being able to say goodbye to his father Howard and wishes he could ask him what he thought about Stark Industries selling weapons. Interestingly, the villain is eventually revealed to be Howard’s friend and business partner Obadiah Stane who had briefly served as interim CEO before Tony became old enough to run the company himself. Stane had been something of a surrogate father to Tony before becoming jealous and plotting to have the terrorists assassinate him in order to regain control of the company.

Viewers actually see Howard Stark in Iron Man 2. Tony is trying to distill a new element with which he can replace the palladium that powers the arc reactor in his chest, which is slowly poisoning him. As part of this process, in going through some of his father’s effects, he comes across a film reel that includes footage of his father. One of the early clips in the reel shows Tony as a boy interrupting the recording of his father by taking a piece off a model behind him. Howard reacts in annoyance, calling for Tony’s mother Maria and telling him to go away, until one of his assistants takes Tony. The expression on Tony’s face as he views this seems to indicate that is how Howard usually treated his son: as an annoyance for whom he did not have time. However, as Tony absentmindedly lets the reel run, it ends with a personal message from Howard to his son, meant for Tony when he is older. In it, Howard says that he is limited by the technology of his time but when Tony is older, he will “figure it out” and “change the world.” Howard closes his message by telling Tony that “what is and always will be my greatest creation is you.” This message inspires Tony to figure out the composition for a new element with which he replaces the palladium in his reactor.

Captain America: The First Avenger has a young Howard as a supporting character, working with Steve Rogers to fight H.Y.D.R.A. and the Red Skull during World War II. The sequel, Captain America: The Winter Soldier reveals that Howard was one of the founders of S.H.I.E.L.D. and heavily implies that the car accident that killed him and his wife was orchestrated by H.Y.D.R.A., which had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. almost from its inception.

This is confirmed in the final movie of the Captain America trilogy, Civil War. This film actually features Tony Stark as a character, and his introductory scene is a quasi-flashback in which he uses advanced virtual reality to recreate the last memory he has of his parents alive…or at least, how he wishes it went. In it, there is clearly tension between him and his father, while his mother tries to mediate between the two. At her prompting, Tony tells Howard, “I love you, Dad and I know you did the best you could.” It is highly implied to Tony did not say this when the event actually happened and describes his memory as traumatic for this reason.

It is clear in this scene that Tony was much closer to his mother Maria than he was to Howard. At the climax of the movie, it is revealed not only that the crash was orchestrated by Steve Rogers’ best friend Bucky Barnes a.k.a. the Winter Soldier but that the Starks actually survived the crash itself. Barnes then murdered them with his bare hands. When Rogers rather unhelpfully points out to Tony that Barnes was brainwashed by H.Y.D.R.A. at the time, Tony ignores him and tells Barnes, “I don’t care. You killed my Mom,” making no mention of his father. The climatic fight of Captain America and The Winter Soldier vs. Iron Man then commences.

Father of Morgan

Tony eventually comes to take on fatherly roles himself. In Civil War, he brought Spider-Man in to fight on his side in the conflict over the Sokovia Accords. He takes a further interest in Peter Parker in Spider-Man: Homecoming becoming not only a mentor but almost a surrogate father to the young man who has lost both his father and his Uncle Ben. In Avengers: Infinity War, Dr. Strange sarcastically asks Tony if Peter is Tony’s “ward,” implicitly comparing their relationship to that of Batman and Robin in rival DC comics. (At one point in the comics, Bruce Wayne actually adopted Dick Grayson, the first Robin.) Early in the film, Tony unsuccessfully attempts to prevent Peter from following him on his mission to rescue Strange from Ebony Maw, one of the lieutenants of arch-villain Thanos, for his own safety. Tony is then emotionally devastated when Peter is among those “dusted” when Thanos wipes out half the life in the universe with a snap of his fingers while wearing the fully power Infinity Gauntlet.

In Avengers: Endgame, the final film of The Infinity Saga, Tony Stark has come full circle: he is now a father himself. In fact, when the remaining Avengers come to him with a plan to bring back those who were dusted, Tony is unwilling to help them, out of fear of losing what he has gained in the five years since the Decimation: a family, specifically his daughter Morgan, whose mother is Pepper Potts.      

Despite having an actual child of his own now, Tony is still wracked with guilt about what happened to Peter Parker. Tony eventually comes up with a plan for the Avengers to go back to different points in time, retrieve each of the Infinity Stones, and bring them to the present. During the course of this “Time Heist,” Tony comes face to face with his father, who at this time is awaiting the birth of Tony. Thus, Howard ends up getting advice about raising his son from that son himself! More importantly, Tony gets to have one last meaningful conversation with his father and a proper goodbye.

After gathering the Infinity Stones and placing them in a new Infinity Gauntlet built by Tony, the Hulk succeeds in using it to bring back everyone who was lost in the Decimation, without altering the events that had taken place since then. Unfortunately, their activities in the past had gained the attention of Thanos in 2014, who comes forward in time to 2023 to prevent the Avengers from undoing his accomplishment of bringing balance to the universe.

Thanos overpowers Captain America, Iron Man and Thor when they attempt to fight him off. In the process, he informs that he is going to wipe out all life in the universe this time and use the Infinity Stones to recreate the universe. He then summons his army from 2014 to ravage the planet. With the threat by Thanos, Tony Stark is now fighting to save his daughter from being wiped from existence.

All the resurrected heroes, along with the armies of Wakanda and (New) Asgard and Dr. Strange’s fellow sorcerers arrive to join an epic battle against the forces of Thanos. In the midst of this, the fight comes down to keeping the new Gauntlet out of the hand of Thanos. After a vicious fight, Thanos does get the Gauntlet but realizes too late that Tony has removed the Infinity Stones. Tony then joins the Stones with his Iron Man armor and snaps his finger, causing Thanos and his entire army to disintegrate. Tragically, the energy surge mortally wounds Tony, and he dies.

Tony Stark dies to save the world but ultimately, to save his daughter. The most poignant part of his story is that a man who had a bad relationship with his own father does what every father must be willing to do: laying down his life in order to save his child.